desiree.

wow.

2010-07-17T10:57:00.001-07:00

it's been forever since i've blogged. pretty much -

i live in miami now, go to FIU, still work at nike.

and things are pretty much taking off.

desiree tizon music website will be coming shortly so stay tuned :)

2010.

2010-01-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

first blog of the new year (:
i havent been on here much. this school year is halfway over, and flying by faster than ever. but i can't believe 2010 is here. this is the year i graduate high school, turn 18, move to miami, ATTEND FIU <3 so much is going to change, but im ready for the challenge. blogger, its been nice having you here to share all my stories. although i may not have as much time as before, i'll still log in every now and then.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! off to work now :)

this made me cry :(

2009-12-06T11:38:00.001-08:00

you don't need no one else.

2009-12-06T11:30:00.001-08:00

:/

2009-12-06T11:05:00.001-08:00

the absence of you is everywhere i go.

this day a year ago.

2009-11-29T16:23:00.000-08:00

this happened:

THE MEETING

I woke up today with butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and so many thoughts running through my head. “Tonight’s the night” I thought while still lying in bed. “He’s actually here.”
Although it had been about two months since the last time I got to spend nearly 10 minutes with him, it felt like years. So when he told me he was coming two weeks ago, it was no wonder why I began planning my mission impossible idea to see him right away. Actually, if it wasn’t for the help of one of my closest friends Justin, I would probably be dialing every number in my phonebook for a ride right now.
My appointment to get my hair cut was coming up in an hour, so I jumped in the shower to get ready. Time seemed to go by so slowly, but that always happens when you’re looking forward to something. At the hair salon, all I could do was picture what tonight would be like. To finally be able to spend a good couple of hours with the man I love the most. I wasn’t even nervous on how my bangs would come out; I just hoped that my plan would work out smoothly.
While I was waiting for my ride home, Justin called. I just hoped he didn’t have anything negative to say.
“Hey! How do the bangs look?” I knew this was just small talk before he started going on about how everything is going to go tonight.
“They look really nice. Different, but hey I did say I needed a change…”
“Yeah that’s true. Anyways, did you ask your mom about tonight yet?” He sounded more nervous then I was.
“No not yet, I’ll ask once I get home. It doesn’t matter; I swear I’ll leave my house to go see him. With or without her permission.”
“Alright, but just remember the story. Tati is picking me up from my house, and then we’re going to get you. From there we’re going to the movies because she can get us in for free since she works there. That way she can’t complain about spending money and all that. Then we’ll drop you off at the hotel he’s staying at, and we’ll probably go see a movie around the area.”
“Okay I got it. I don’t see why she wouldn’t let me. I haven’t gone out all Thanksgiving break just so that I can go out tonight.”
“Yeah I know. If she doesn’t let you go, I think I’ll go crazy. You don’t know how much work I put into finding a person to drive all the way out there. Especially finding someone your mom would let you in the car with. You know how she is…”
“Yeah I know, so hopefully everything goes as planned. He should be back to his hotel around 8, so pick me up anytime before then.”
“Alright, well she gets out of work at 7:30. Just try to stall your mom. Make sure she doesn’t change her mind and says that it’s too late. And don’t argue if she tells you to come home early.”
“Okayyyyyy I got it. I’ll call you when I get home and ask her.”
“Alright, bye.”
It seemed like the anticipation was killing more people than just me. Finally I got home and got the ok from my mom without any hassles. So far everything was going perfect.
Trying to pass the time, I watched “A Walk to Remember” online, stuffed my face, and listened to every song that reminded me of him. I even googled his hotel from my house, and to the movie theater that my friends would be going out too, just so that everything would run smoothly. Picking out an outfit wasn’t hard, because I knew he wanted me to wear sneakers, and I knew he loves Jordan’s. So I threw on a red shirt with a black cardigan, dark skinny jeans, and my fire red 5’s.
It was 7 o’ clock and my mom started nagging me as to why they haven’t gotten me yet. So I told her there were some issues with the rides, but I’ll be home at 11 just like she told me too. Forty-five minutes later, I told her that Tati was just getting Justin, and that we decided to watch a later movie. So then she extended my time to be home at 11:30, which was even better.
Finally they got to my house, and my heart was beating faster then ever. But when we were five minutes away, I got a text that ruined it all.
“My dad isn’t letting me go out the hotel room. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. My mom said it was fine but he has a problem. Wtf...”
Hoping it was one of his jokes, I responded saying “don’t play with me.” Yet the closer I got to his hotel, the more he began telling me how sorry he was, but that he can’t come out.
I felt my face get hot, and the tears started coming to my eyes. All this work, for nothing. The love of my life is a minute away from me, and I can’t even see him.
“I guess I’m just gonna go to the movies with you guys. Don’t take me to the hotel.”
“Whattttttttttt?! Are you kidding me? What happened?” Then again, Justin seemed just as mad as I did.
“His dad isn’t letting him come out. I don’t know. Just go.”
“I can’t believe this is happening, after everything… I’m sorry. I know he means a lot to you.”
“Yeah…I am too.”
And that was it. We drove right past his hotel and continued on the path to go see our movie. I didn’t know what to feel. I was so angry, but I didn’t know if it was at him, his dad, or at myself for getting my hopes up.
We got to the movie theater, and picked out a movie that I had already seen and loved. A story about two lovers, that can’t be with each other because of something that they had no control over. Great.
It was 11 and the movie had about forty minutes left to go. I knew we would leave early to make it home on time, but then again I really didn’t care. How much worse could my life get at this point?
I text him while I was in the theater saying “I’m passing by your hotel soon on my way out. It’s now or never.” Before I got another response, Tati, Justin and I were on our way out the theater when I got a call from him.
“Let me know when you’re in front of my hotel. I opened the door without making any noise, and I need to see you” he said whispering.
“Alright, I’ll be there.”
This was another reminder to myself of how strongly I care about him. I could be so pissed off, sad and aggravated, but when he calls, I come running.
“This kid drives me crazy, but I love him. Do you think we could stop by his hotel on the way out?”
“Wow. Now he wants you to come! Why couldn’t he do this before?” Sometimes, I think Justin’s mind was connected to mine.
“Yeah, but they don’t know he’s leaving. He’s gonna have to sneak out.”
“Alright but we gotta hurry, you’re gonna be late, and I’m not speeding” Tati said.
“I know, it’ll be quick. I just have to see him.”
The car ride there was one of the most nerve racking experiences ever. All I could think of, was the fact that I was about to stare into the eyes of the man I had wanted to be with for the past two years, and finally tell him how much I truly loved him. It wasn’t like before where we both wanted to hide the fact that we were in love because we were too scared to admit it. This time, it was the real deal. We had made it known to one another that there was no body else out there for us, but each other. Just thinking about this made the butterflies flutter in my stomach uncontrollably, and my heart began pounding so loud that I thought the whole world could hear it.
It was already 11:30 before we even got to the hotel, but I really didn’t care. As we turned onto the street where his hotel was, I text him saying “I’m here.”
He called me and told me to meet him in the lobby, so we pulled up in the front of the hotel.
“I wanna see this kid. He better be worth it” Tati said.
I got out the car, and walked into the front lobby. There were a few people there, but I didn’t see him. Just then, he walked around the corner, and jumped in surprise. A huge smile came across his face, and I knew right then and there, that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
As I walked faster to get to him, I dropped my purse from my shoulder to my hand so my arms would be open wide. Yet before I could even say a word, he hugged me with so much passion and love that words weren’t necessary. Hugging him felt like a huge tower was shadowing over me, protecting me from any harm. Protecting my heart from anyone else trying to come in and leave me broken. For the first time in a long time, I felt complete. I always told myself that I would never need a man to make me happy and to feel like he completes me. Yet with him, none of it mattered. I hated the feeling of being vulnerable, but it felt so good to know that he felt the same way. We were in this together, no matter what other obstacles were going to come our way. Nothing in this world could replace the amazing feeling he gave me, and I wasn’t about to let that go.
I looked up at him, at his lips, as he simply said “kiss me.” And right then and there it happened, our first kiss. I never thought it could be possible, to love someone as much as we loved each other, without ever kissing. But I guess that’s what love is; making the impossible, possible.
After countless kisses and hugs, I pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I missed you so much” I said.
“I missed you too baby. And I’m so sorry for tonight. I’m just happy to finally have you in my arms” he said while hugging me with all his power.
I pulled back again so that we could maybe we walk around the corner to be more private. I hadn’t realized it, but my friends were still outside watching, as well as the rest of the people in the lobby. They were all in awe as they saw us reuniting, and even though I’m not a fan P.D.A, it didn’t matter.
We turned the corner that he came from at first, and leaned against a wall. We just kept kissing and hugging with no regards as to who was around us.
“I love you so much. You mean everything to me” which was 100% fact. I couldn’t believe I was actually looking into his eyes and telling him this. It seemed like a dream. There was so much I wanted to tell him, but not enough time. Words didn’t matter at this point.
“I love you too baby, you don’t even know. I never wanna let you go.”
“I don’t want you to leave babe, I can’t keep on like this.” I felt the tears coming to my eyes.
He hugged me even tighter, really emphasizing that he didn’t want to let go.
“Don’t be sad baby, it’s just another month and we’ll be together again, I promise.”
Then he took off a brown string bracelet he always wore and placed it on my wrist.
“I wanted to bring you something, but I didn’t know…”
Before I could even finish my sentence, he grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him towards me, as if he could get any closer. Words cannot explain the passion I felt when I kissed him. If there was any doubt in my mind as to if I really loved him or not, this killed it all. This wasn’t any of that “oh, I have a lot of love for him” crap. No, I was uncontrollably in love with him.
I realized that time was passing by way too fast, and I had to go.
“I’m sorry babe but I gotta leave.”
“No don’t be sorry…it’s not your fault.”
I turned to walk away thinking he would follow me to the center lobby where we first were, but he stood there and called me back. He met me halfway for one last kiss.
“I love you so much, remember that okay?”
“I love you too…” I didn’t know whether to be happy that I just saw the love of my life, or sad that I had to let him go.
I turned to walk to the car, and I suddenly felt like a part of me was missing. An empty void that only he could fill…
As I walked around the side of the car to open the door, I looked up only to see that he had already left. I felt torn apart, but I smiled once I closed the door and saw his bracelet on my wrist.

don't believe me? check the post from that night.

and ever since, it's been the story of my life.

sometimes -

2009-11-24T19:55:00.000-08:00

its like im really happy, then i think about how happy we could be if we were closer, and i get really sad. i haven't posted in a long time, but if you check back to posts from this time last year, you'll understand the continuation. sometimes i just wanna cry. i lay in bed just wishing i would wake up and see his face. yet i wake up and reality hits. it's already almost a month since the last time i got to spend a day with him, and i feel like im already dying inside. i know i have the rest of my life, but i feel so empty inside without him. and theres really nothing i can do.

officially missing you.

i'm pretty sure

2009-10-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

i've posted this before. but every word is so true.

If you love me as much as you said you did

Then you wouldn't have hurt me like i ain't shit.

Now you push me away like you never even knew me

I love you with my heart - really and truly.

Fool of Me.

2009-10-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

I remember when you filled my heart with joy
Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space
'Cause now you have no interest in anything I have to say
And I have allowed you to make me feel dumb
What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside

You made a fool of me
Tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love
Tell me why
You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

I want to kiss you
Does she want you with the pain that I do
I smell you in my dreams
But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye
No time no friendship no love
Don't say don't touch you I can't touch you no more
Can't touch you any more any more
I don't touch you anymore

You made a fool of me
Tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love
Tell me why
You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

Empty -

2009-10-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

perfect word to explain how i feel.

"my heart can't take no more lies, and my eyes are all out of cries."

i didn't even cry today, i can't anymore. at times like this, i wish i had no fucking emotions so i can't feel this pain thats hitting my heart right now. everything that i ever believed in is DONE. the years i've spent trying to build this relationship is all wasted. look at the older posts from last year - those are all LIES. the people who said they would be there arent. now this isn't only an emo blog because of a boy -_- not even it. even friends have faded away. i'm dying for some form of love to reach out to me, yet look at how many times love has fucked me over. i'm so good at hiding it, but my heart is in a state of depression. it feels like a huge empty void that only he can fill, yet he's the one who created it in the first place. and i don't even know if i want him to fill it. he's done enough damage to me. i'm reaching out to an invisible hand, crying on a shoulder that doesn't exist, and it hurts. i hate you for doing this to me. goodbye...

i dont know.

2009-10-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

i feel so alone inside. it doesn't really have to do with the post before this, but just in general.

this weekend - was crazy. and things happened that i didn't plan, but they happened.

i'm not going into detail. idk who still reads this. but i feel like my actions were an effect of everythings thats been going on. i feel like i don't have anyone, because i dont. my 'best friends' and i drifted apart - some wouldn't even understand whats going on or they'd be too judgemental. or the ones that do understand are far away. i just want someone to sit in a car with me, or by a lake whatever and just listen. its weird, i have everythingggg going for me. going to college, have a great music and communications career ahead of me, i just won homecoming princess - proof that people like me. yet i have no one. emotions are all over the place, and the people who care about me the most would either be dissappointed or hurt. one is already hurt and keeps saying all this shit, like if it's helping me. if i could go back in time, i'd definitly change what happened but i can't.

i just want someone to listen and say it's okay. don't say you're always gonna be there for me because chances are, you won't. atleast thats what happened to everyone else.

"i wanted it to be you."

today

2009-10-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Would've, could've, and should'vbe been
our two year anniversary.

I hope she makes you happy.
From this point on - I'm over it (:

And damn does it feel good! (:

pretty wings.

2009-10-15T17:49:00.000-07:00

"i should've showed you better nights, better times, better days. i miss you more and more -"

u r the one.

2009-10-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

fuck youuuuuuuuu.

I wish we never met, I wish we never kissed
I wish we never touched (I swear to God)
I wish I didn't love you so much
I wish I could forget how feel, how you f---
(Damn) That's a lie
The shit that made me smile, now make me cry.

i miss you blog <3

2009-10-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

i've been sick, of course. anywho - i love this quote.

"When someone completely breaks your heart, no matter what, it’s gonna eat you inside. When that person walks by, you still get that little rush in your veins because the pain is still there. Nothing is going to take it away. All you can do is hold your head high and keep loving the other things that make you happy in life. And I promise you, the “little rush” gets smaller and smaller up to the day that you can walk by them with a smile … and a “fuck you” on your face."

and this song

i might go back to being emo me (:

took the words

2009-10-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

right out of my mouth. especially the 2nd verse.

:( this is killing me.

its october.

2009-10-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

the 17th would've been 2 years.
and the end of this month makes it 1 year since we haven't been together.

and still.

ADD MY MUSIC PAGE !

2009-10-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

myspace.com/desireetmusic

i miss this.

2009-09-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

300th post !

im in my new room at the condo. no more big beautiful house for me anymore :(
my life is all over the place.

but im making it.

thinking

2009-09-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

So whenever I have dreams of my ex, it says on dreammoods.com that it can be a good thing because it means the feelings you once had with them, is coming back with someone else.

But I don't want those same feelings. Give me something more.

I miss blogging. My life is just school and work "/ ugh I'm going to bed.

hahahaha

2009-09-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

do you ?

2009-08-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

this is a perfect example of what not to do. i love this song, but it wasn't until i had it on repeat today did i realize how bad it was. personally, if the person i 'love(d)' has moved on and is with someone else, i'd rather not know if they think of me or still love me in return. i wish i didn't know that... i'd rather think that they hate me and don't wanna talk to me anymore for some odd reason. because if they tell you that they still think of you and remember how things used to be, buttttttttttttt they're with someone else so they cant do anything about it, it'll just make things so much harder to move on. because then, all you will have is hope. which is such a horrible thing to be left with. hope can be shattered at any moment. all you'll be able to think about is "yeah he's with someone else, but he still loves me. so we still have a chance." or you'll be depressed because you'll just think "what is it about me? he loves me and misses me, but he's still with someone else." so take my advice - DONT ASK.

i still remember this.

2009-08-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

throwback from 2004.

lovely.

i would watch this tribute to the great luther vandross, and think "man, one day i'm gonna sing at a tribute for her." (:

baggz.

2009-08-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

he used to give the best advice.

-Honestly your fucking crazy. You over analyze shit. W.e you feel for that kid, is not worth risking what you have now. You broke up for a reason w.e that is. If you're happy where you are now there's no reason to go backwards with someone who obviously proved himself not worth keeping a relationship with.

WORD.

word.

2009-08-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

"Letting go is so hard, but it's a lot easier than holding onto something that isn't there."

RIP Aaliyah

2009-08-25T16:07:00.000-07:00

it's been 8 years. and i still can't believe you're gone.

holy shit.

2009-08-23T15:48:00.001-07:00

senior year begins tomorrow.

i cannot believe it.

won't be blogging much. school + work "/

new book.

2009-08-21T23:47:00.001-07:00

i'm 10 pages deep into writing it so far. here's the beginning.

"A wise person once told me to get over a love, you must put them in your literature. (some quote from 500 days of summer that im trying to get right)

I sure hope this is true.

I really don’t know what pursued me to do this, but I don’t think I have anything left to do. At a young age, I can say that I’ve had my fair share of happiness and heartbreak; I just choose to express my emotions through writing. So ahead of time, his won’t be a fairytale. In fact, it’ll be far from that. It’ll just be a bunch of long stories cut short – or at least shorter than what they really are. Not every story will be about love, but about what I’ve learned along the way. Just a documentation for my own self as I travel through the journey of finding out how relationships go about. How I can go from being sad about how things ended with one, then another, and how all the things I learned have been both a blessing and curse. Maybe it’ll help me really move on from the relationships I will write about. Maybe it’ll make me reminisce more of how things used to be. Maybe at the end of this, I’ll still be just as confused as I am now. Who knows, but here I go…"

juju is in love with where i'm going with this. titled "love bible", each chapter is the name of a guy that i've had either a 'close' friendship with, or relationship (just as the different books in the bible). and each chapter has a quote to describe the person ex. first love, long distance etc. they'll include letters written from them, what i realized i messed up on, and what i learned from it all. maybe that first quote is true.

thats it.

2009-08-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

i've found everything i've been looking for. a cute asian who can sing to me. my life is complete (:

woman to woman.

2009-08-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

muahahaha *evil laugh

this reminded me of kris' old dique "wifey".

yes, i said it. (:

callin my phone and shiiiiiiiet.

"just simply lean back his head and look him deep in his eyes, and you'll see me - wavin back at your ass."

my life is brilliant, my love is pure.

2009-08-15T16:53:00.001-07:00

despite being sick, which we all know is the story of my life, things are pretty good. sure i have my issues here and there, but who doesn't. my senior year of high school starts next week, i have an amazing boyfriendd who does so much for me, i have a job thats paying pretty well. sometimes i have to take a step back and realize how good i have it. appreciate it. i hope this cold or whatever it is goes away soon. im happy that i'm done complaining about things, and comtemplating on things so much. i just told myself, theres no need too. if it's meant to be, then it will. and if not, oh well. God has things all planned out, so i just put my issues in his hands.

God is great.

bad dezi.

2009-08-08T17:53:00.001-07:00

in most of my past relationships, i put in so much effort, did so much to make sure my significant other knew i appreciated him. yet i always got so few in return. so i just stopped - what was the point right?

and now ; i know i have something good, it's obvious i do. i need to go back to how i was. im not gonna sit here and say "all guys are the same", because i know for a fact that they're not. so dezi, note to self : its okay to show that you care about him. stop being a hippocrite and think "well what does he do to show that he really cares." because really, what do i do?

don't let history repeat itself.

"when you got something good, hold onto it."

yes yes yall.

2009-08-07T21:07:00.001-07:00

i'm like a week late. but i am officially employed. lol

fuck, store meeting at 7 am tomorrow.

i'm gettin munayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

today -

2009-08-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

jovan ocasio would've been 18.

it's been almost 6 months since you've been gone.

but you won't be forgotten.

i know i'm blessed by God, and i know you're watching after all of us.

we all love you. rip babyboy.

RIP Baatin.

2009-08-01T21:07:00.001-07:00

damn here i was all pissed because they cancelled the mini RTB featuring Slum Village not knowing what was going on. he passed away at 35 "/ so sadd. SV without a doubt made amazing hip hop. and dilla, man no words for him. to the dudes who lived for hip hop...

i could listen to this song

2009-08-01T21:03:00.001-07:00

over and over and over and over and over and over..................

it's okay baby.

2009-08-01T14:36:00.001-07:00

he's still my love.

muhahaha

2009-07-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

*evil laugh*

"But you gave away the things you loved, and one of them was me."

i have reason behind putting this up.

for those who swear everything is about them.

but get SHUT DOWNNN when they find out the truth.

success is the BEST revenge.

change -

2009-07-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

is something my blog needs. it's too plain. idk.

anyways, here's a quick update on my hectic normal life.

i wake up at 6:30 almost everyday to start watching my brother. get him ready for his physical therapy at 10, which is when i actually have a chance to sit down (what i'm doing now). watch him til about 3. then find some time to spend with my friends or boyfriend. yesterday had an interview at nike, sent out my songs to a couple more people who are interested in working with me, about to link up with Brail Clothing to work on a blog, and got things together for my *hopefully* miami trip. mom doesn't like to see that i'm trying to make moves without her, but oh well. this is my last year in high school, so SHE needs to get used to not having me around. this year is gonna be so hectic. i'm getting a photoshoot together so that i can promote my music more too (: i have a lot of community service events coming up with Keyettes (school sorority type thing), plus i'm one of the top seniors in my chorus this year which means i'm in every group. which also means lots of practice. and if i get this job at nike, well who knows. it seems like this is gonna be a really tough year, but always remember : God will never give you something you can't handle. and whatever issues i have, i know that they're in Gods hands. with all the negitive energy around me, its hard to stay focused. but the more i think about it, the more i bring myself down. you are your own worse enemy, and i refuse to let that happen.

PEACE !

so.

2009-07-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

Lilly Allen for Chanel

Aubrey Hephurn for Tiffany

see the similarites?

i'm nasty

2009-07-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

with the writing.

found this on my myspace blog from may of 07'. its def not true for that person anymore lmao. but hey i was a freshman. i can relate to it now though -

she can't even look at you the way i do. she doesnt look at you and see a future in your eyes. she doesnt hear your voice and imagine the day you'll say "i do". she doesn`t kiss you thinking that this will be the last man who will ever touch her lips. when i see you, do you wanna know what i really think...

"i`ve loved that man with everything i have ever since i first layed eyes on him"

i think you`re underestimating the point that i`m trying to get across. you deserve better. my conscience is telling me to make something out of the obscurity that you`ve place upon my heart. yet how do i regenerate a love that seems long gone. we both know it`s there. no doubt about it. but why do you try to conceal all of your emotions. is it because your scared to trangress yourself into this game of love again. because i know for sure, you don`t feel that way about her. you never will. keep telling yourself you love her, and you wanna spend the rest of your life with her. but guess what, i have a secret. i know you more then you know yourself. so the next time you try to doubt everything that we`ve been through, think again. we taught eachother how to love. thats irreplacable.

BAM !

Kurtiz the Kid :

2009-07-28T11:23:00.001-07:00

"Dezi I heard your song and you sound amazinggggg!! I really liked it and its
deff something that i could hear on the radio." - Kurtiz

comments like this really make my day (:

thank you kurtiz ! everyone check out his music ! my miami buddy is movin up so be on the lookout for him. add him, follow him and buy his single on itunessss !

www.myspace.com/kurtizonline
http://twitter.com/kurtizthekid
http://www.igotrecords.com/kurtizthekid.htm

tips.

2009-07-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house.

3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothing.)

5. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

6. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’, which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ - that will bring on No. 7).

7. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying, “F— YOU!”

8. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to No. 4.

9. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “Fine”.

lady gaga has balls (seriously)

2009-07-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

@ 1.14

just felt the need.

2009-07-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

to quickly blog about this. i hate the quote "you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like an adult." it's complete bullshit. i had a job at 15 (finally i'm 17), i paid for my own things, i've never gotten lower than a B on my report card, i do community service, i take college classes, i put aside my entire summer (taking long trips, partying, getting a job) to babysitt my brother because my parents have to work (which they don't pay me too), and when i do want to go out

i have to be home at 11:30 ? -__________________-

really ?

words of advice from uncle henry:

2009-07-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

"Babygirl, I love your song. I've been here jamin to it and I could picture this being on the radio. It may not be perfect, but you're definitly on your way. Don't give up on whatever inspired you, because that's in your life for a reason."

*sigh*

This makes me happy though. I'm getting a lot of good feedback from the recording. Comment if you want me to send the rough draft of my first fully recorded song (:

hands down.

2009-07-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

one of the best performances. maybe its because they used one of my favorite songs.

"you're neither friend nor foe, though i can't seem to let you go."

17 !

2009-07-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was my birthday :D one more year til the big 18. I had a greattt day. Went to wekiva springs with my chorus geeks and luis. Had a bbq at my house with my family and the same friends. Then went to see my sisters keeper with luis. Don't feel like going into too many details since I'm on my phone, but it was great. I have a lot to blog about when I get home. I just feel very blessed to have amazing people in my life, and to still be alive. Now I'm off to spend that birthday cash (;

dream journal.

2009-07-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

From last night :

To dream that you are moving away, signifies your desire or need for change (so true). It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship; you are moving on (eh, i'm trying). Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence.

To see a school bus in your dream, suggests that you are about to venture on a life journey needed for your own personal growth (thats true, but i was late for the bus -)

To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity (just shows how i contradict myself. i want change but i'm scared of it). You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future (oh yes). You feel time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want.

To dream of your hometown (Yonkers, NY), indicates that you may be experiencing some unexpressed feelings. You may feel that you are not able to fully express your emotions. This could be triggered by a waking situation. The dream could also reflect aspects of yourself that were prominent or developed when you were living in your hometown. Did you abandon certain values or ideals when you moved to the big city? Did you forget some aspect of yourself and who you really are?

To dream that you are in a maze, denotes that you need to deal with the task on hand on a more direct level. You are making the situation harder than it really is. Alternatively, the maze symbolizes life's twists and turns. It represents confusion, missteps, feeling lost or being misled.

To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction.

I'm in love with another man.

2009-07-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

self explanitory -

i love this song. it's one of her best in my opinion.

i'm in love !

2009-07-20T20:54:00.000-07:00

i found more ! ! ! !

where are you anoop? i'd love to have you're hindu babies (;

<3

2009-07-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

"i need you still, i always will. cuz you're the only one for me."

you don't knowwwwwwwwwwwwww.
if he sang like that to me, it would be over.

i love music too much.

and another one !

2009-07-19T22:43:00.001-07:00

PALABRA !

2009-07-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

watching diary of a mad black woman.

and the chick is telling her mom "he hurt me so bad momma. he was my everything."

mom says "GOD IS YOUR EVERYTHING! he's a jealous God, put no man before him."

WORD.

throwback.

2009-07-11T22:46:00.001-07:00

we love you babygirl.

LMFAO.

2009-07-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

okay, i've known about this for a while, but this video really made me laugh.

loon what are you doinnn? first mase, now this.

he wasnt real anyways. when they put him on the spot to rap, he didn't know what to say.

SMH !

scream at me !

2009-07-10T19:10:00.001-07:00

stronger than me.

2009-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

*claps for amy winehouse*

okay this song is old, but i fell the need to adress the situation she is talking about. i've noticed that recently, men have become way more emotional than women. i am noticing it wayyy too much. men are that clingy, needy, or don't take intuitive. i don't know about other women, but i like my man to take charge every now and then. that's just because my personality is very straight forward, and i like things to go my way. so when something different comes along, it interests me. "all i need is for my man to live up to his role." guys, if you think begging a woman to stay, blowing up her phone, telling her you can't live without her is gonna get her back, you're wrong. well at least with me it is. don't get me wrong, men need to show their emotions as well, but shit - when did it get like this. yes women like to be chased, but it happens so often that we like to be the ones doing the chasing. keep us interested, it'll benefit you in the long run.

nobody -

2009-07-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

is fuckin with d-block.

my nigs make me proud (:

so i go back to florida tonight. i was kinda happy, but now i'm type sad. but whatever it has to happen. it didn't even feel like a vacation. it just felt like i never left yonkers. i can't imagine how different my life would be if i never left though. even though i hate it sometimes, i appreciate florida a lot more. damn i didn't even take pictures when i was here lol. i guess it's because everything is normal to me here. but just like every other time, i had an amazing time. i learned a lot from this trip, but im excited to see what the future holds for me once i go back home* so until we meet again, my heart will always and forever remain in new york.

this is on repeat.

2009-07-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

it aint hard to realize
that we're love in disguise
and i've fallen, for you.
it aint hard to look and see
that baby, you've fallen deep
for me.
and i adore the way we are
you're my sun and i'm your star.

this is for luis.

2009-07-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

just because i know you like reading my shit (:

Throwback.

2009-07-03T21:43:00.001-07:00

since I'm in Yonkers, I had to rep my hometown.

25 to life.

2009-07-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

whattt? jojo?

i didn't expect this from her. i guess she had to grow up eventually. i kinda like the chorus when the synth comes in. i guess it'll grow on me. she has a really good voice, im excited to see what else she has coming out.

throwback.

2009-06-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

i got the whole enchilada.

today i woke up

packed for tomorrow

went to the mall with arnold and luis*

made a banging ass banana split when i got home

and tonight i will be going to cindys house for a sleepover with the girls.

NEW YORK TOMORROW !

RIP Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

The King of Pop

August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

i don't think im the only one that thought he'd never die. i mean, of course, there's a time when everyone has go, but he was such a legend, i never really thought about it. it's making me mad that so many people are talking about all his controversy, when there was much more to him then that. when i think about him, all his accomplishments just run through my head. he gave all performers, whether it be singers or dancers, a style. anyonee who considers music to be a big part of them, has to say that michael jackson has influenced them one way or another. i could go on and on about how amazing he is, but words wouldn't be able to describe. 750 million records sold, 13 grammys, and i think the most well known person around the world. hero's are remembered, but legends never die. you will live forever in your music. we love you.

"If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.

- Michael Jackson

so.

2009-06-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

i was planning on writing a huge blog about an event that occured one year ago today.

but there are no words to explain how much of an impact its had on me.

he is the reason why i have this blog now.

he has become my best friend.

and he is

robbie.

DEMON MAGIC !

2009-06-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

lmfao. alan made me remember this today when we were reminiscing on thee old days.

WHAT THE EFFFF !

dreams.

2009-06-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

here's what my dream from last night consisted of. i learned in psych that it's good to keep track of your dreams and what they mean.

This one is too common . I'd have to say I dream about Alan atleast 4/7 days out of the week -_- this needs to end asap!

To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person. It could also signify aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

To dream that the air conditioner is not working, suggests that you are not able to relax and breathe freely. You may be overly worried about a situation.

To see a city in your dream, signifies a sense of community and your social environment. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone.

To dream that you are in terror, indicates unresolved fears or doubts which need to be confronted.

this part is interesting :

To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs, signifies that you will face many setback in your endeavors.
To see spiral or winding stairs, signify growth and/or rebirth.

So i'm guessing i'm gonna go through something, but grow from it ?

To dream that you are in or part of a crowd, signifies that you need to make some space for yourself. You need solitude to reflect on a situation at hand and recharge your energy. Consider also the familiar phrase of "going along with the crowd" which implies conformity and lack of individuality. (but aren't I already feeling lonely?)

blah, my unconscious is confused.

Milosh Review

2009-06-23T23:44:00.000-07:00

this is music. i've fallen in loveeeee with this guys sound. the expression he shows through his music, how it can just make you feel different as soon as you ear it. atleast for me it does. the flow of the beat and the tone of his voice, i don't know, they work so well together. these are my two favorite songs so far.

first song i heard of him.

http://www.myspace.com/milosh

you know what's sad?

2009-06-23T11:31:00.001-07:00

the other night i went out on a little date i guess you could say (:

and i was actually highly impressed that he opened the door for me. smh that should happen ALL the time. niggas need to step their game up!

word to MOB.

life is good.

2009-06-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

yes indeed.

i had a long chat with robbie last night about how much we miss real hip hop. the type of music that gave people a voice. the kind that when the beat dropped and the rapper started to tell their story, you felt a surge of emotions go through your body because you could really relate to what they were saying. we discussed how in order to create a beat for an artist, there had to be a connection between the producer and the artist, it had to fit with the theme of the album etc. now niggas just take the beats of other artists, and freestyle on it like nothing. making the value, creativity, uniqueness of the beat just go downnn. i hate how everyones like "lil wayne is so good, have you seen how many mixtapes he's come out with." but i live by this saying QUALITY > QUANITIY. so fucking what, most of his shit is trashed and he soundes zooted in all of it. blah - im out.

my niggaa

2009-06-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

AmIAm. he was the one running the kicks n rhymes event here in orlando that i blogged about a while ago. get emmmm

hello nurse.

2009-06-15T23:23:00.001-07:00

this one is for gersonn !

you belong with me.

2009-06-15T18:54:00.000-07:00

idk why i feel guilty for having this song on repeat.

"what you're looking for has been here the whole time."

truth.

2009-06-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition or spirit to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then hell no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better (try three). The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. NEVER BORROW SOMEONE ELSE'S MAN. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. All men are not dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

WORD.

2009-06-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

How could I let this situation get the best of me

When I gave the best of me

It's just crazy how one minute we connect

I was baby, ya lady, sweet sadie

Holdin' hands was your favorite

Now I ain't got no sad song to sing

You was dead wrong to me, cuz I was so commited but

Since we separated I know you will never find

Find another chick like me, that's why I stay up on ya mind

I know it's hard for you to hear, but I ain't got the time

I moved on, I moved on

I don't want you now

drizzy

2009-06-12T18:22:00.000-07:00

i love you boo, but this video is just... -_-

must be love - cassie

2009-06-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

i really love this song. i like the chill feel of the beat. but the videooo - ehh, not so much. i really hate that hairstyle on her.

Cassie - New Music - More Music Videos

"you could be mine on some forever shit."

invented sex

2009-06-09T06:29:00.000-07:00

got this one thanks to kris - drake and trey songs are a good duo. still kinda makes me mad that drake is everywheree now, he's been mine (: lets just hope he doesn't turn on real hip hop now that he's becoming more well known. ahh, one day that will be minee (;

after seeing this.

2009-06-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

i really came to conclusion i need to cut my hair. maddd long when its curly, even longer when its straight ! and it looks so dead, no volumee. poor thing. i like the long look, but i need something new. cutting it next week for senior pictures (:

LMFAOOOOOOO

2009-06-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS A STRAIGHT MAN.

that seriously gave me a good ass laugh.
and i didnt wanna post tila tequilas reply video, but you can search it. smh, what is this world coming toooooo

he could get it

2009-06-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

with this song (:

interesting.

2009-06-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

thank you HOVA !

"I know we facin' a recession but the music ya makin gon' make it the great depression."

yet, his 'little brother' kanye is one of the main artists using autotune. haha, anyways -

i had a pretty good night. i haven't gotten this little feeling in a while. i like it. (:

BUY MY SNEAKERS !

FOR SALE/TRADE

2009-06-03T15:07:00.001-07:00

sizes range from a 5 - 5.5. most are practically brand new, or worn few times. prices are negotiable, so offer away. or if you have something in my size, let me know. if you'd like to see more pictures of a certain shoe, just holllaaaa.

the tag is for my Female Sneaker Fiend account (:

Playoff 8s

size 5.5 (feels like a 5)

Brand new. White on White AF1s

size 5

Good condition. Black/Red Dunks

size 5

Pretty good condition - Air Tech Challenge

size 5

Grey & Pink 5s

size 5

these just need to be cleaned with a suede cleaner, which i dont have

Wheat 4s

These are a size 4! without the sole they fit me and I'm a 5.

Pinstripe Blazers

size 6.5 womens

pretty much brand neww

Nike Air Assults

size 6 womens

Olympic Zoom Flights from 1996. rare in this sizeee !

size 5

pretty much brand new, still icyyy

RAWsession

2009-06-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

i've just started watching this. and this is talent, real talent.

i thought this dude wasn't gonna have much to him just because of the song. but you can tell he's into his shit.

and so is she. her dad was my sisters teacher when we lived in yonkers.

amazing.

had to do it.

2009-06-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

taylor lautner (jacob black in the movie) could get it all day, every dayyyyyy. did you not see how amazing he looked before transforming into a warewolf. GOD bless his mama. im about to finish reading eclipse since i stopped in the middle (:

this weekend.

2009-06-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

was AMAZING. sneaker pimps was the shit. first off, my crew and i got in foooo freeee. as mentioned in my previous blog, my uncle and his artist from new york were here for vacation

, and my uncle is friends with the manager of the cool kids. so we just walked right in. i was able to meet the designer of Tokidoki, The Cool Kids (only wanted a picture with mikey, sorry chuck)

and Clipse. i was dissappointed because i wanted to buy some kicks, but no worries. Copped my "Stop Rockin Fakes" T from DB (da bottom clothing). had to support some local designers. The Cool Kids performance was really good, but i didn't get to stay to see all of the clipse. it was really good to see everyone though. i hadn't seen any of the FSF ladies since i

was in miami for the summer time. they all said i grew lol. but of course, i'm still considered the baby to them. thennn there was an after party @ my house since dad left us with the app. there was so much liquor, i was scared they were gonna get me messed up. but i learned that i rule at quarters. i didn't get messed up which is good thing, and i didnt have to clean up after anybody which is even better. i was sad to leave, but i'll be back soon. i thought going to miami was gonna suck, since its not gonna be like it was before. but fuck it, i still had fun. my uncles leave saturday, and my last day is this wed. so maybe i'll be back sooner than i thought.

TOMORROW

2009-05-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

be there.

ah, the excitement of being in miami. the drive here was fun thanks to my big bro marcus aka oh so dopeee ! got home to find my uncle and his 3 friends knocked out from the bacardi lol. plus the fridge is full of coron. i just got mc donalds and cleaned these people up a little. dads staying with his wife -_- so we got the house to ourself.

lets see how this goes.

hopefully it won't be a waste of time.

fucking asians

2009-05-26T18:18:00.001-07:00

are good at everything !

where do we go from here?

2009-05-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

"you're looking for commitment that we no longer share."

let me be. you had your chance and blew it.

this is

2009-05-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

old. but im jamin to it.

MOB <3

aw :(

2009-05-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

the first couple made me so sad.

excited for tomorrow.

2009-05-20T14:15:00.001-07:00

especially to perform this one.

D-Block

2009-05-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

yo son im from yonkaz all day every day 914 b-block whudupp !

LMAO - sike. i do miss yonkers though.

snaps is the name of the game

2009-05-16T11:03:00.001-07:00

the name of the game is snaps !

lol mikey (:

word.

2009-05-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

this is my song of the moment.

"Damn girl I thought it never would end.
But this is it, that's all, never again.
I couldn't deal with it then and I sure can't now.
So what makes you think Imma let you hold me down, no.
I told you before never to roam but this is real when I say leave me alone.
I gotta be on my own, and you do too.
Through and through just please let me do what I do.
Maybe sometime soon we can both be friends,
But for now this is where it's suppose to end.
My brain is sick, my heart is torn, my arms are empty,
But baby girl I just need to be alone,
My heart will beat alone, and I keep my head up.
But for now truth is I'm a little fed up.
I don't hate you though, you still close to me.
So let's just go back to how we used to be, cool..."

excited for this.

2009-05-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

THIS SUNDAY!

2009-05-13T15:02:00.000-07:00

they dont know bout me and you.

2009-05-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

currently listening too:

"and now you wanna get me back like you gon show me

so you walk around like you dont know me

you got a new friend, well i got homies

but in the end it's still so lonely."

fuck the celtics

2009-05-10T17:33:00.000-07:00