Saturday, July 17, 2010

wow.

it's been forever since i've blogged. pretty much -


i live in miami now, go to FIU, still work at nike.
and things are pretty much taking off.
desiree tizon music website will be coming shortly so stay tuned :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010.

first blog of the new year (:
i havent been on here much. this school year is halfway over, and flying by faster than ever. but i can't believe 2010 is here. this is the year i graduate high school, turn 18, move to miami, ATTEND FIU <3 so much is going to change, but im ready for the challenge. blogger, its been nice having you here to share all my stories. although i may not have as much time as before, i'll still log in every now and then.


HAPPY NEW YEAR ! off to work now :)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

this day a year ago.

this happened:


THE MEETING

I woke up today with butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and so many thoughts running through my head. “Tonight’s the night” I thought while still lying in bed. “He’s actually here.”
Although it had been about two months since the last time I got to spend nearly 10 minutes with him, it felt like years. So when he told me he was coming two weeks ago, it was no wonder why I began planning my mission impossible idea to see him right away. Actually, if it wasn’t for the help of one of my closest friends Justin, I would probably be dialing every number in my phonebook for a ride right now.
My appointment to get my hair cut was coming up in an hour, so I jumped in the shower to get ready. Time seemed to go by so slowly, but that always happens when you’re looking forward to something. At the hair salon, all I could do was picture what tonight would be like. To finally be able to spend a good couple of hours with the man I love the most. I wasn’t even nervous on how my bangs would come out; I just hoped that my plan would work out smoothly.
While I was waiting for my ride home, Justin called. I just hoped he didn’t have anything negative to say.
“Hey! How do the bangs look?” I knew this was just small talk before he started going on about how everything is going to go tonight.
“They look really nice. Different, but hey I did say I needed a change…”
“Yeah that’s true. Anyways, did you ask your mom about tonight yet?” He sounded more nervous then I was.
“No not yet, I’ll ask once I get home. It doesn’t matter; I swear I’ll leave my house to go see him. With or without her permission.”
“Alright, but just remember the story. Tati is picking me up from my house, and then we’re going to get you. From there we’re going to the movies because she can get us in for free since she works there. That way she can’t complain about spending money and all that. Then we’ll drop you off at the hotel he’s staying at, and we’ll probably go see a movie around the area.”
“Okay I got it. I don’t see why she wouldn’t let me. I haven’t gone out all Thanksgiving break just so that I can go out tonight.”
“Yeah I know. If she doesn’t let you go, I think I’ll go crazy. You don’t know how much work I put into finding a person to drive all the way out there. Especially finding someone your mom would let you in the car with. You know how she is…”
“Yeah I know, so hopefully everything goes as planned. He should be back to his hotel around 8, so pick me up anytime before then.”
“Alright, well she gets out of work at 7:30. Just try to stall your mom. Make sure she doesn’t change her mind and says that it’s too late. And don’t argue if she tells you to come home early.”
“Okayyyyyy I got it. I’ll call you when I get home and ask her.”
“Alright, bye.”
It seemed like the anticipation was killing more people than just me. Finally I got home and got the ok from my mom without any hassles. So far everything was going perfect.
Trying to pass the time, I watched “A Walk to Remember” online, stuffed my face, and listened to every song that reminded me of him. I even googled his hotel from my house, and to the movie theater that my friends would be going out too, just so that everything would run smoothly. Picking out an outfit wasn’t hard, because I knew he wanted me to wear sneakers, and I knew he loves Jordan’s. So I threw on a red shirt with a black cardigan, dark skinny jeans, and my fire red 5’s.
It was 7 o’ clock and my mom started nagging me as to why they haven’t gotten me yet. So I told her there were some issues with the rides, but I’ll be home at 11 just like she told me too. Forty-five minutes later, I told her that Tati was just getting Justin, and that we decided to watch a later movie. So then she extended my time to be home at 11:30, which was even better.
Finally they got to my house, and my heart was beating faster then ever. But when we were five minutes away, I got a text that ruined it all.
“My dad isn’t letting me go out the hotel room. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. My mom said it was fine but he has a problem. Wtf...”
Hoping it was one of his jokes, I responded saying “don’t play with me.” Yet the closer I got to his hotel, the more he began telling me how sorry he was, but that he can’t come out.
I felt my face get hot, and the tears started coming to my eyes. All this work, for nothing. The love of my life is a minute away from me, and I can’t even see him.
“I guess I’m just gonna go to the movies with you guys. Don’t take me to the hotel.”
“Whattttttttttt?! Are you kidding me? What happened?” Then again, Justin seemed just as mad as I did.
“His dad isn’t letting him come out. I don’t know. Just go.”
“I can’t believe this is happening, after everything… I’m sorry. I know he means a lot to you.”
“Yeah…I am too.”
And that was it. We drove right past his hotel and continued on the path to go see our movie. I didn’t know what to feel. I was so angry, but I didn’t know if it was at him, his dad, or at myself for getting my hopes up.
We got to the movie theater, and picked out a movie that I had already seen and loved. A story about two lovers, that can’t be with each other because of something that they had no control over. Great.
It was 11 and the movie had about forty minutes left to go. I knew we would leave early to make it home on time, but then again I really didn’t care. How much worse could my life get at this point?
I text him while I was in the theater saying “I’m passing by your hotel soon on my way out. It’s now or never.” Before I got another response, Tati, Justin and I were on our way out the theater when I got a call from him.
“Let me know when you’re in front of my hotel. I opened the door without making any noise, and I need to see you” he said whispering.
“Alright, I’ll be there.”
This was another reminder to myself of how strongly I care about him. I could be so pissed off, sad and aggravated, but when he calls, I come running.
“This kid drives me crazy, but I love him. Do you think we could stop by his hotel on the way out?”
“Wow. Now he wants you to come! Why couldn’t he do this before?” Sometimes, I think Justin’s mind was connected to mine.
“Yeah, but they don’t know he’s leaving. He’s gonna have to sneak out.”
“Alright but we gotta hurry, you’re gonna be late, and I’m not speeding” Tati said.
“I know, it’ll be quick. I just have to see him.”
The car ride there was one of the most nerve racking experiences ever. All I could think of, was the fact that I was about to stare into the eyes of the man I had wanted to be with for the past two years, and finally tell him how much I truly loved him. It wasn’t like before where we both wanted to hide the fact that we were in love because we were too scared to admit it. This time, it was the real deal. We had made it known to one another that there was no body else out there for us, but each other. Just thinking about this made the butterflies flutter in my stomach uncontrollably, and my heart began pounding so loud that I thought the whole world could hear it.
It was already 11:30 before we even got to the hotel, but I really didn’t care. As we turned onto the street where his hotel was, I text him saying “I’m here.”
He called me and told me to meet him in the lobby, so we pulled up in the front of the hotel.
“I wanna see this kid. He better be worth it” Tati said.
I got out the car, and walked into the front lobby. There were a few people there, but I didn’t see him. Just then, he walked around the corner, and jumped in surprise. A huge smile came across his face, and I knew right then and there, that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
As I walked faster to get to him, I dropped my purse from my shoulder to my hand so my arms would be open wide. Yet before I could even say a word, he hugged me with so much passion and love that words weren’t necessary. Hugging him felt like a huge tower was shadowing over me, protecting me from any harm. Protecting my heart from anyone else trying to come in and leave me broken. For the first time in a long time, I felt complete. I always told myself that I would never need a man to make me happy and to feel like he completes me. Yet with him, none of it mattered. I hated the feeling of being vulnerable, but it felt so good to know that he felt the same way. We were in this together, no matter what other obstacles were going to come our way. Nothing in this world could replace the amazing feeling he gave me, and I wasn’t about to let that go.
I looked up at him, at his lips, as he simply said “kiss me.” And right then and there it happened, our first kiss. I never thought it could be possible, to love someone as much as we loved each other, without ever kissing. But I guess that’s what love is; making the impossible, possible.
After countless kisses and hugs, I pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I missed you so much” I said.
“I missed you too baby. And I’m so sorry for tonight. I’m just happy to finally have you in my arms” he said while hugging me with all his power.
I pulled back again so that we could maybe we walk around the corner to be more private. I hadn’t realized it, but my friends were still outside watching, as well as the rest of the people in the lobby. They were all in awe as they saw us reuniting, and even though I’m not a fan P.D.A, it didn’t matter.
We turned the corner that he came from at first, and leaned against a wall. We just kept kissing and hugging with no regards as to who was around us.
“I love you so much. You mean everything to me” which was 100% fact. I couldn’t believe I was actually looking into his eyes and telling him this. It seemed like a dream. There was so much I wanted to tell him, but not enough time. Words didn’t matter at this point.
“I love you too baby, you don’t even know. I never wanna let you go.”
“I don’t want you to leave babe, I can’t keep on like this.” I felt the tears coming to my eyes.
He hugged me even tighter, really emphasizing that he didn’t want to let go.
“Don’t be sad baby, it’s just another month and we’ll be together again, I promise.”
Then he took off a brown string bracelet he always wore and placed it on my wrist.
“I wanted to bring you something, but I didn’t know…”
Before I could even finish my sentence, he grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him towards me, as if he could get any closer. Words cannot explain the passion I felt when I kissed him. If there was any doubt in my mind as to if I really loved him or not, this killed it all. This wasn’t any of that “oh, I have a lot of love for him” crap. No, I was uncontrollably in love with him.
I realized that time was passing by way too fast, and I had to go.
“I’m sorry babe but I gotta leave.”
“No don’t be sorry…it’s not your fault.”
I turned to walk away thinking he would follow me to the center lobby where we first were, but he stood there and called me back. He met me halfway for one last kiss.
“I love you so much, remember that okay?”
“I love you too…” I didn’t know whether to be happy that I just saw the love of my life, or sad that I had to let him go.
I turned to walk to the car, and I suddenly felt like a part of me was missing. An empty void that only he could fill…
As I walked around the side of the car to open the door, I looked up only to see that he had already left. I felt torn apart, but I smiled once I closed the door and saw his bracelet on my wrist.
don't believe me? check the post from that night.
and ever since, it's been the story of my life.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

sometimes -

its like im really happy, then i think about how happy we could be if we were closer, and i get really sad. i haven't posted in a long time, but if you check back to posts from this time last year, you'll understand the continuation. sometimes i just wanna cry. i lay in bed just wishing i would wake up and see his face. yet i wake up and reality hits. it's already almost a month since the last time i got to spend a day with him, and i feel like im already dying inside. i know i have the rest of my life, but i feel so empty inside without him. and theres really nothing i can do.
officially missing you.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

i'm pretty sure

i've posted this before. but every word is so true.




If you love me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn't have hurt me like i ain't shit.
Now you push me away like you never even knew me
I love you with my heart - really and truly.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fool of Me.




I remember when you filled my heart with joy
Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space
'Cause now you have no interest in anything I have to say
And I have allowed you to make me feel dumb
What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside

You made a fool of me
Tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love
Tell me why
You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

I want to kiss you
Does she want you with the pain that I do
I smell you in my dreams
But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye
No time no friendship no love
Don't say don't touch you I can't touch you no more
Can't touch you any more any more
I don't touch you anymore

You made a fool of me
Tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love
Tell me why
You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

Empty -

perfect word to explain how i feel.


"my heart can't take no more lies, and my eyes are all out of cries."
i didn't even cry today, i can't anymore. at times like this, i wish i had no fucking emotions so i can't feel this pain thats hitting my heart right now. everything that i ever believed in is DONE. the years i've spent trying to build this relationship is all wasted. look at the older posts from last year - those are all LIES. the people who said they would be there arent. now this isn't only an emo blog because of a boy -_- not even it. even friends have faded away. i'm dying for some form of love to reach out to me, yet look at how many times love has fucked me over. i'm so good at hiding it, but my heart is in a state of depression. it feels like a huge empty void that only he can fill, yet he's the one who created it in the first place. and i don't even know if i want him to fill it. he's done enough damage to me. i'm reaching out to an invisible hand, crying on a shoulder that doesn't exist, and it hurts. i hate you for doing this to me. goodbye...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

i dont know.

i feel so alone inside. it doesn't really have to do with the post before this, but just in general.
this weekend - was crazy. and things happened that i didn't plan, but they happened.
i'm not going into detail. idk who still reads this. but i feel like my actions were an effect of everythings thats been going on. i feel like i don't have anyone, because i dont. my 'best friends' and i drifted apart - some wouldn't even understand whats going on or they'd be too judgemental. or the ones that do understand are far away. i just want someone to sit in a car with me, or by a lake whatever and just listen. its weird, i have everythingggg going for me. going to college, have a great music and communications career ahead of me, i just won homecoming princess - proof that people like me. yet i have no one. emotions are all over the place, and the people who care about me the most would either be dissappointed or hurt. one is already hurt and keeps saying all this shit, like if it's helping me. if i could go back in time, i'd definitly change what happened but i can't.
i just want someone to listen and say it's okay. don't say you're always gonna be there for me because chances are, you won't. atleast thats what happened to everyone else.
"i wanted it to be you."

Saturday, October 17, 2009

today

Would've, could've, and should'vbe been
our two year anniversary.




I hope she makes you happy.
From this point on - I'm over it (:






And damn does it feel good! (:

Thursday, October 15, 2009

pretty wings.




"i should've showed you better nights, better times, better days. i miss you more and more -"

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

u r the one.

fuck youuuuuuuuu.


I wish we never met, I wish we never kissed
I wish we never touched (I swear to God)
I wish I didn't love you so much
I wish I could forget how feel, how you f---
(Damn) That's a lie
The shit that made me smile, now make me cry.

i miss you blog <3

i've been sick, of course. anywho - i love this quote.


"When someone completely breaks your heart, no matter what, it’s gonna eat you inside. When that person walks by, you still get that little rush in your veins because the pain is still there. Nothing is going to take it away. All you can do is hold your head high and keep loving the other things that make you happy in life. And I promise you, the “little rush” gets smaller and smaller up to the day that you can walk by them with a smile … and a “fuck you” on your face."
and this song




i might go back to being emo me (:

Thursday, October 8, 2009

took the words

right out of my mouth. especially the 2nd verse.



:( this is killing me.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

its october.

the 17th would've been 2 years.
and the end of this month makes it 1 year since we haven't been together.










and still.

ADD MY MUSIC PAGE !

myspace.com/desireetmusic
(:

Thursday, September 24, 2009

i miss this.

300th post !

im in my new room at the condo. no more big beautiful house for me anymore :(
my life is all over the place.



but im making it.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

thinking

So whenever I have dreams of my ex, it says on dreammoods.com that it can be a good thing because it means the feelings you once had with them, is coming back with someone else.


But I don't want those same feelings. Give me something more.


I miss blogging. My life is just school and work "/ ugh I'm going to bed.