do you ?

this is a perfect example of what not to do. i love this song, but it wasn't until i had it on repeat today did i realize how bad it was. personally, if the person i 'love(d)' has moved on and is with someone else, i'd rather not know if they think of me or still love me in return. i wish i didn't know that... i'd rather think that they hate me and don't wanna talk to me anymore for some odd reason. because if they tell you that they still think of you and remember how things used to be, buttttttttttttt they're with someone else so they cant do anything about it, it'll just make things so much harder to move on. because then, all you will have is hope. which is such a horrible thing to be left with. hope can be shattered at any moment. all you'll be able to think about is "yeah he's with someone else, but he still loves me. so we still have a chance." or you'll be depressed because you'll just think "what is it about me? he loves me and misses me, but he's still with someone else." so take my advice - DONT ASK.

i still remember this.

throwback from 2004.



lovely.

i would watch this tribute to the great luther vandross, and think "man, one day i'm gonna sing at a tribute for her." (:

baggz.

he used to give the best advice.

-Honestly your fucking crazy. You over analyze shit. W.e you feel for that kid, is not worth risking what you have now. You broke up for a reason w.e that is. If you're happy where you are now there's no reason to go backwards with someone who obviously proved himself not worth keeping a relationship with.

WORD.

word.

"Letting go is so hard, but it's a lot easier than holding onto something that isn't there."

RIP Aaliyah

it's been 8 years. and i still can't believe you're gone.

holy shit.

senior year begins tomorrow.

i cannot believe it.

won't be blogging much. school + work "/

new book.

i'm 10 pages deep into writing it so far. here's the beginning.

"A wise person once told me to get over a love, you must put them in your literature. (some quote from 500 days of summer that im trying to get right)

I sure hope this is true.

I really don’t know what pursued me to do this, but I don’t think I have anything left to do. At a young age, I can say that I’ve had my fair share of happiness and heartbreak; I just choose to express my emotions through writing. So ahead of time, his won’t be a fairytale. In fact, it’ll be far from that. It’ll just be a bunch of long stories cut short – or at least shorter than what they really are. Not every story will be about love, but about what I’ve learned along the way. Just a documentation for my own self as I travel through the journey of finding out how relationships go about. How I can go from being sad about how things ended with one, then another, and how all the things I learned have been both a blessing and curse. Maybe it’ll help me really move on from the relationships I will write about. Maybe it’ll make me reminisce more of how things used to be. Maybe at the end of this, I’ll still be just as confused as I am now. Who knows, but here I go…"

juju is in love with where i'm going with this. titled "love bible", each chapter is the name of a guy that i've had either a 'close' friendship with, or relationship (just as the different books in the bible). and each chapter has a quote to describe the person ex. first love, long distance etc. they'll include letters written from them, what i realized i messed up on, and what i learned from it all. maybe that first quote is true.

thats it.

i've found everything i've been looking for. a cute asian who can sing to me. my life is complete (:

woman to woman.

muahahaha *evil laugh

this reminded me of kris' old dique "wifey".

yes, i said it. (:

callin my phone and shiiiiiiiet.

"just simply lean back his head and look him deep in his eyes, and you'll see me - wavin back at your ass."

my life is brilliant, my love is pure.

despite being sick, which we all know is the story of my life, things are pretty good. sure i have my issues here and there, but who doesn't. my senior year of high school starts next week, i have an amazing boyfriendd who does so much for me, i have a job thats paying pretty well. sometimes i have to take a step back and realize how good i have it. appreciate it. i hope this cold or whatever it is goes away soon. im happy that i'm done complaining about things, and comtemplating on things so much. i just told myself, theres no need too. if it's meant to be, then it will. and if not, oh well. God has things all planned out, so i just put my issues in his hands.

God is great.

bad dezi.

in most of my past relationships, i put in so much effort, did so much to make sure my significant other knew i appreciated him. yet i always got so few in return. so i just stopped - what was the point right?

and now ; i know i have something good, it's obvious i do. i need to go back to how i was. im not gonna sit here and say "all guys are the same", because i know for a fact that they're not. so dezi, note to self : its okay to show that you care about him. stop being a hippocrite and think "well what does he do to show that he really cares." because really, what do i do?

don't let history repeat itself.

"when you got something good, hold onto it."

yes yes yall.

i'm like a week late. but i am officially employed. lol

fuck, store meeting at 7 am tomorrow.

i'm gettin munayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

today -

jovan ocasio would've been 18.

it's been almost 6 months since you've been gone.

but you won't be forgotten.

i know i'm blessed by God, and i know you're watching after all of us.

we all love you. rip babyboy.

RIP Baatin.

damn here i was all pissed because they cancelled the mini RTB featuring Slum Village not knowing what was going on. he passed away at 35 "/ so sadd. SV without a doubt made amazing hip hop. and dilla, man no words for him. to the dudes who lived for hip hop...

i could listen to this song

over and over and over and over and over and over..................

it's okay baby.

he's still my love.