Lifeless.

yeah, thats a good word to explain how i feel. i still feel sick from all the medicine, and i'm always tired. i try to rest and get away from things, but that doesn't help. 4th time and counting - in my nap today i dreamt that alan and i were back again. but i saw him today with his girlfriend, and he seems happy... so i gotta let that go.

i just felt like i was walking the halls today, but it wasn't me. i feel so empty inside. like i'm beginning to hate being in that school and there's no even main reason. i'm just sick of everything. and i know i have people that care about me, but i just feel so alone. like there's no one there for me. and i don't even know if i want anyone there. it's complicated. i want to be alone, but at the same time i dont? it just feels like no one really understands where i'm coming from, and no one cares to understand because it's always the same shit with me. it's honestly never ending. i don't know what to feel anymore. my own mom doesn't even take seriously what i say about my health because there's always something new with me. and that doesn't make me feel any better. there's just an empty void in me, and i don't know when that'll be filled. i miss kris so much, but if my dad is moving because of the divorce, there goes me seeing him all the time while i'm in miami. i need an escape...

7 months without ya, RIP Sydnie Yoshie.