the end.

this is me just venting. you can skip it (:

its been a while since i've blogged. to make a long story short, i've been in miami this past week. had a blast! went to a heat game, beach with my friends from new york, marc anthony concert, shopping.... but at the same time it changed a lot. and for the last time, i've decided to honestly let go of the main reason that brings me to miami so frequently.

i've been doing this unofficial long distance relationship thing now for who knows how long. and i just want to put it in the past starting now. its been almost three years now that i've cared about, and have grown to love you*. but i refuse to be treated like im nothing. im sorry but i've put up with it for too long. all the times you just decided this was too tough for you, and would give up without even letting me know what was going on. i NEVER gave up until now, and it's because you made this choice for me. i was willing to, and always did everything and more just to be close to you. all the times i came here to miami, wasn't for a little vacation, it was to be close to you. but to my surprise, it was just whatever to you. yet when you're in town for 2 days, I do whatever i have to just to see you, even if it's for 5 minutes. the times that i looked at you and told you i would do anything to make it work, i wasn't lying. i don't just do this shit for fun and take it as a game. and i would think that if you tell someone you want to go to college by them, be with them, get married one day, grow old with them... taking time out of your busy life to see them shouldn't be an issue. yet sadly it is. and i cant believe i actually believed it all. i started writing a BOOK about you for Christs sake. and everyone who reads it doesn't understand why you push me to the side the way you do. but then randomly want me back, and me being so foolishly in love, go back. i'm sorry that you cant have me when its convenient for you. if you love me, its either you have all of me or nothing at all. at first i accepted your faults, understood you needed time to get used to this. but time isn't even a factor anymore. you're just plain selfish. i was here for ONE WEEK. and not once did you put in the effort to see me. that right there just killed me. and in the future when everyone disappoints you and lets you down, you're gonna think about me, the only person who would never do that to you. but by then it'll be too late. no one is gonna love you and give you what i could. they can't even match up to half of what i can offer. but now i realize that i deserve better, and i think you can agree with that. i love you, and threes no doubt that i always will. but this whole trying and putting my all into this is over.

all the times i would see you and have to leave was the hardest for me. and you always said "never say goodbye, it's always see you later. because goodbyes are for people who'll never see each other again... and you're gonna be my wife one day." yet for the first time today, you told me goodbye...

so i guess this is it kris. the bracelet is long gone, but the memories will stay with me forever. i'll continue with the book, but it won't ever be the same. coming to miami wont ever be the same. i love you so much, but i need someone who's gonna love me just as much in return.

i hope she makes you happy.