no words.

last night was amazing.
it began all jittery and exciting.
then it became dissapointing and i started crying.
then i was mad and wanted to kill someone.
then i became lonely, and thought that nothing i do is ever enough.
then i realized that i cared too much to give up.
then i became stressed, excited and scared.
then it turned into one of the most passionate nights i've ever had. and no it's really not what you're thinking. but it seemed like a movie -
then i became grateful, for having such amazing people in my life.
and then i became sad again, because i had to let one go...

there's someone out there who means the world to me, and i don't care who knows. even though i saw him for about 4 minutes, and i won't be able to see him again till the end of next month, i'll never give up on him. kris is my heart.

this is from my book :
"I turned to walk to the car, and I suddenly felt like a part of me was missing. An empty void that only he could fill… As I walked around the side of the car to open the door, I looked up only to see that he had already left. I felt torn apart, but I smiled once I closed the door and saw his bracelet on my wrist."

"our love is like the wind. i can't see it, but it's always there. always"

far longer than forever.

so i was watching the swan princess yesterday lol. and i swear everything i do reminds me of kris.

far longer than forever

i'll hold you in my heart

it's almost like you're here with me

although we're far apart.

far longer than forever

as constant as a star

i close my eyes

and i am where you are.

finally the wait is over. i'll see him tonight for some hours, then say 'see you soon' till next time. "goodbyes are meant for those who won't see eachother again."

dreams.

dreammoods.com is my shit.
anyways i had a dream my teeth were falling out. and i was always taught that it means death, but apparently there's much more. and all of it is true with what's going on with my life :

• Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion
• In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death. -that scares me
• According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies. -eh yeah..
• It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

ughhhhhhhhhhh

true story.

another song to add to the playlist.

yours forever.

kris will be here tomorrowwwwwwwwwwwwwww

no one can understand how happy that makes me :D

i love how he sends me things i've never heard before <3

Happy Gobble Gobble Day !

don't get too fat kiddos !
haha i was looking through my computer and i got this laptop like 2 days before thanksgiving last year, and i found a little thing i wrote talking about what i was thankful for. you know the usual - family, friends, house, health, education, boyfriend - pause - so im thankful for all of those, except the last one of course.

i want money to go shopping tomorrow -_-

Sparky's Flaw

straight to the point - i love these guys.

all the guys are cute, sweet, and talented. they opened for justin nozuka and eric hutchinson back in june at the social. and they were the coolest guys you'll ever meet. they straight up came off the stage, and just chilled with anyone in the audience. took pictures, signed things, with no problem. then i add them on myspace, and they actually write to me to see how im doing and if im going to their next show. call it sucking up just to get fans, but screw you. anyways-

Sparky's Flaw

Thursday, December 11, 2008

7 p.m at the Backbooth (the Social)

Downtown Orlando

I'm part of the street team for this band, so if I bring three or more friends to the show,

we get to chill with the band after the show and listen to some songs off of their new album.

AND whichever street team member brings the most friends and introduces them to the band, will win an autographed poster from their first show back when they were in high school.

sounds like fun right ? plus the lead vocalist will, is beautiful. he knows he wants it ;) thats why he's always hitting me up. i need a white boy. anyways, here's some of their stuff. let me know if you want to come to the show with me ! it'll be probably like $12.

blah 6

tired. baby sitting my brother-

last night i spent the night over at cindys. we had all these plans, and even though they went wrong last minute, we still had fun. i love her and her chocolate covered pretzels (:

thanksgiving is coming up. yipeee -_- i should be in miami. but whatever, like dad says "you can't always get what you wanttttt."

4 days till kris is here * i guess that makes up for my absence in miami. and it's better then waiting till next month to see him.

my little break has been okay so far. i'm mad that i dont have a job right now, but oh well......

happy birthday alex !!! you old mannn (:

anywho, im somewhat still in my post-breakup stage. it comes back every now and then.. this song got to me, thanks cathy. replay much ?

i want more chocolate. i guess you can figure out why -_-

ughh i gotta go get my stuff for my 2 secret santas - but i really just wanna go under my covers and sleep forever.

im gonna find something productive to do to keep me from going insane. peace

everything.

Lookin back on my life as i sit at my desk

i would never imagine myself to be so blessed

with an angel from heaven

A gift from God,

some one that i could love forever

Be on the first side

you're the first thing i think of when the sun shines bright

And the last thing i think of when i sleep at night

you and me princess, we're the perfect team

and i won't hesitate to call you the girl of my dreams

cuz when i need you, you're just a phone call away

and your beautiful smile washes all my worries away

when i'm not with you, i miss you oh so much

and how much you soothe my soul with a simple touch

you will never know just how much you mean to me

But i got the rest of my life just to help you see

I only got one life

I can never have two

but as long as i'm alive i wanna spend it with you

(chorus)

When i have you in my arms and i close my eyes

i wouldn't care if the whole would just pass me by

cuz i live to make you happy

just to see you smile

just to make you giggle

i love your style

those late afternoons together when the sun just sets

to those early morning talks

girl you are the best

i'm so amazed at your site

i ask questions too

like how can a guy like me deserve a girl like you

i feel so blessed but at the same time so unworthy

i trust you with my heart

i know you won't hurt me

everything about you is perfect

i love your lips

i love your smile

i cheerish every hug and kiss

and i can't wait for the nights when i can hold you tight

next to me by my side with you as my wife

you're my hope when i'm helpless

when it's dark the light

i give you all that i have

And that is my love and my life

(chorus)

Everynight when i pray, i thank the lord for you

you're so rare, sweet, cute and loving too

i'm so privilged, just to call you boo

i would drop everything just to spend a second with you

i'll be right here for you

even if times get rough

cuz to me always you're the definition of love

you hold the key to my heart

only you can get in

lookin' in your eyes are like the shinning stars in heaven

i would do anything forcuz girl you're so worth it

looks are great but your personality is so perfect

you're my perfect match

my soul mate, my best friend

you're my infinity on a scale of one to ten

i mean every word that i say

just look in my eyes

love that we share is never made to die

i just wanna make you happy

baby that's my goal

i'll forever love with all my heart and soul

forever.

you know*

you know who you are.

it has been brought to my attention -
that you're a dumbass.

go ahead and flirt, talk to, make out with every girl in this damn universe. im not gonna beat my self up over it any more. this is probably your way of acting like you've moved on, but you and i both know thats not the truth. its just making yourself look like a damn child. good luck finding another like me, because that'll NEVER happen. especially someone that'll love you as much as i did. i put up with so much of your shit, waiting for you to learn how to treat a woman and to grow up. but thats all shot to hell now. you're still the same kid i met 2 years ago. you had your chance, you blew it. so do us both a favor and grow up. and before you try to act like you're fine without me, remember who you were before me - no one.

RAPE.

Brandon Hines, if i ever see you in person, pray that you have security guards.
the things i would do to himmmmmmmmmm

so.

i've come to a realization.

already this school year has changed so much about who i am. something that once made me so happy-no longer did. people i never thought i would be friends with-i am. people that i thought would be so fun to hang out with-their fake as fuck. so much responsibilty has come and theres so much to do in so little time. my life is as retarded and complicated as it could possibly ever be, yet i don't regret any of it ever happening. yesterday was amazing. highest rankings possible in each group i was involved in :) and afterwards was an adventure. from now on i'm just gonna take things on day at a time. there's no time to regret my actions. but there is time to move on. i'm ready for change.

oh and by the way, i'll love you till the end. regardless what happens, always and forever.

the day before

so this is a band i've been listening to for a while now. i like them a lot (: the lead singer oscar is pretty cool to talk too. im mad at how their performing in yonkers -_-
anyways, check em outtt

better.

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are
willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it even if they dont see it nearly enough."

true story.

lifeless.

• i miss my dad.
• i miss miami.
• i miss "US" :(
• i miss having a real family.
• i miss having real friends.
• i miss being happy.
• i hate living here.
• i hate the fact that people dont understand.
• i hate how people always change their minds.
• i hate being treated like a little kid.
• i hate the feeling that everything i do is never enough.
• i hate how no matter what i do, i still feel alone.
• i hate making mistakes that i cant take back.
• i hate the fact that people can't trust me, even though they have no reason to.
• i hate holding things in.
• i hate crying like this.

i think i just had a breakdown.

i still put you first.

"/

today was difficult.

OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IS THE NEW PRESIDENT

OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

MY DAWGGGGGGG!

SUCK IT MCCAINNNN ! YOU OLD CHICKEN NUGGET LOOKIN ...

BETTER YET - NO MORE BUSHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

this song

always gets to me "/

used to listen to it all the time when we used to argue...

haha ; nice.

that would be my reaction to some icy xi's

;)

today -

was good at first. woke up, and went to church with my mom, brother, and then alex met me there :D half of the time we were in the lobby with my brother because he wanted to run around and scream, but it was all good. mom likes him because he carried the carriage to her car through all those damn stairs lol. cool points for himm. at the end of service, someone had a request for a kid with autism, and everyone prayed for him. my mom just started crying, i felt horrible. she asked me if i made it for my brother, but i didn't. maybe its an old one or something.. it was sad though. then on the way home drama came up. and i swear im so sick of everything. people are so fake, it's nonsense. i see some guys don't know how to handle rejection - dumbasses. anyways, i need to concentrate on my homework. this day is longer than GOD. geeze. my legs are bit up from the mosquitoes :( blah whatever. election day is 2 days away ! i bought that pin (:

then todayyy

was another great day :D

it started off rocky. woke up early to go back to sea world and apply. then on the way there my mom and i started arguing and she decided not to take me. she's bipolar i swearrrr. then we went to jc penny to get clothes for my little brother and a gift for jaylen. i picked up this cute black dress that i was unsure of, but i love it now. then she decided to go to the nike on 535 & lake buena vista. and i decided while i was there, to hit up converse and see wth is up with my application. so i go and they went to check if it was back there and they said no, but if i filled out one they'll give me an interview on the spot. so i do it, and they take me to the back. then its 4 guys interviewing me -_- and their asking me questions like about mee and once i told them i sing, they asked me too. so of course if a job is at steak i will lol. then another guyy came in and they told me to sing againn. then their asking about my heritage and all this unrelated questions lol. they asked if i was single. hmmmmmmmm. but one of the guys was a cuite lol. i seemed to answer everything pretty good, and they started telling me the benefits like if i got the job. discount at nike too woot woot. oh and my boo nana got the job at puma ! so we got eachothers back when it comes to kicks (: im pretty confident about it, but i just hope they weren't fucking around with me. i'll kill a bitch.

then afterrr went to apopka for jaylens birthday. i got dressed up - i loved it. it was fun chilled with cousins and stuff. played call of duty 4, which was gay cuz jesse is like a genius at it. went to ricos house for a little, his studio is pretty hot. i sang for him too, now he wants me on a track. then i stuffed my face againnn. good shit *

now im home - extremelyyyyyyyyyyyyy hungry. no clue how. im waiting on another random call from alex during his breaks every 10 minutes lol. and im staying up because he might pass by after work. tomorrow hopefully going to church with mom to meet up with him.

ah fuck i have homework. well enough of my weekend <3

yesterday

was a great day :D

first period - blah. second periodddd was the shit. we had the teacher awards ceremony for ms.austins class where eric and i performed until the end of time. he was nervous, but we were still good regardless; video coming soon. we ate sooo much. pork & shrimp fried rice, mangu & salami, pasta, cookies, rice crispies, drinks. ahh. we didnt sing in third period because the other group was doing dance. then i didnt eat during lunch because i was still full. then fourth period i went to ms.aunts class to see how they did their ceremony. no offense to my peoplee, but theirs was wayy better. they had rice and beans, chicken, mac & cheese, some pasta, CHEESECAKE, pies, everythinggg. then they asked me to sing but i didnt know i was gonna do it until they announced it infront of everyone. so of course i couldn't decline. so then i sang the solo alone lol, but i did good. i was nervous that time because my chorus teacher was there, but he said i did good.

then after school, i didnt go trick or treating or anything. no money for costume. buttt it was ozzys bday. so makk picked me up and we went to gay boy nicks house (: haha. chilled there for a big and messed around with his control lighting. sam had fun with thattt. then went to ozzys house, danny stopped by but left. then ozzy and i played against makk and nick in 2k8, which btw- we whupped dat aszzzz 8) then shay and joey stopped byy. and we left to mcdonalds which was a scary car ride. 'its like an episode of thriller' haha. stuffed my faceeee then went home because my mom was all paronoid. i had alot of fun thoughh -